One of the most common complaints I hear from guys is how they don’t like how they are expected to be the ones who always have to make the move. They opine about how great it would be if the girls would make a move if they like them. Now those guys are right about a couple of things. Yes, it would be great if girls would be more upfront and make the first move. Yes, it does kinda suck that there is a societal expectation that the onus is on men to do the work. You know how much being right on those two points matters? Zero. It’s worth absolutely nothing. You can sit and complain about how unfair it is all you want hoping it will magically change. Maybe it will. It will certainly take a long time even if it does. Want things to change? Start with you. Put in the work. Nothing comes for free. Which if we’re being brutally honest, is what a guy is really saying when he complains about having to do the work. What he is really saying is he wants a hot woman to just come out of nowhere, not have to say a word, go to her bedroom, and rock her world silly. I too would love to know the genie you found to grant you this wish.
The funniest part about all this is you’re not alone. The truth is no one wants to put in work. Period. Guys, girls, doesn’t matter. If we all could have the choice to get everything we want in life without having to lift a finger we would. It’s human nature, there is nothing to be guilty or ashamed about. A girl more than likely is just a nervous as you to approach a guy she likes. Here’s the difference, if she’s good looking she’s in demand. There are more than enough guys who are interested and are willing to do the work for her to get the process started. So why would you do the work when you don’t have to? It’s not selfish, it’s self-interest. You have self-interest as well. Whether or not you want or will have to work for it is on you. You can every now and then get help from your friends and ask them to help assess a situation and see if you need to put in more effort. It’s not uncommon to be blinded by what you need to do when you are in the thick of it, getting an opinion from the outside from trusted sources can really help.
For example, back when I was in my NGS days I couldn’t figure out why I was having so much trouble with girls. My friends were able to give me the information from the outside. Mainly, it all had to do with things that involved not putting in work. I didn’t dress well. I wasn’t social. I didn’t practice or fail enough. All these things were true, and I couldn’t see it because I was too much in my own head. The good news is that really you are putting in effort for yourself. When I first started working on myself and improving my life the original intention was for attraction. I then realized that these things I was doing was making me feel better and more fulfilled independently of the girls I was attracting. It feels good to put on clothes that fit you and match. It feels good to go out constantly to numerous events and meet new people and experience new activities. Simply put, it’s fun. It’s a lot of fun, and at the time when you begin it doesn’t feel that way. It feels like work. It always does. The fun always comes after the work you put in. Not before. You get out what you put in.
Once you begin to go to work, you will notice things start to change. You naturally become more attractive. Why? Because people are attracted to those who do more than the bare minimum. As much as I like to laugh at the scene in Office Space where Joanna’s boss is reprimanding her for not wearing more pieces of flair, I get what the boss is trying to do. He set the minimum flair at 15 pieces because he wants to see your attitude as a server. Is it annoying and silly? Sure. It’s also a cheap way to get a read on the people who work for him. Because he knows, if you are willing to go above the bare minimum for something as small as the pieces of flair, then he knows you will go above the bare minimum for the really important things that can affect whether a customer comes back or not. It’s actually subtly genius even if the director wasn’t intending it to be that way. The same thing is true in life. Could a girl just put out a list of requirements of what you would need to do to date her? Sure. The point is she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to and frankly she doesn’t have to. She knows what bare minimum looks like. She knows what more than that looks like. That is what she likes and that is who she will gravitate to.
Now some of you who have just read that may have a reaction along the following lines. ‘Well that’s not cool, that’s manipulation. It’s stupid. Why can’t people just say what they want? Just tell me and I’ll do it”. It is because telling you what I want gives away the solution. It gives away the game. I can’t figure out if you are the right fit for whatever I am trying to accomplish if I tell you what the solution is. It is a form of the observer effect. If you know what’s going on, you are going to change your behavior accordingly. As a result any change you make to your natural behavior clouds the information I need to figure out and understand who you really are. If I wanted to hire you for a job, and had to tell you what I wanted every step of the way, what was the point of hiring you? I would just do it myself. If you are ever working for someone and get a feeling that your boss is not giving you 100% of what you need, there is a reason for that. The boss is putting the tools down for you and watching to see if you can pick them up and get the job done. The boss wants to see if you “get it”.
Girls function the same way. They are trying to find out if you are a high quality man, i.e a man who puts in the work. They are trying to see if you “get it”. If they were to give you the solution, if they told you what they wanted, then what the heck would be the point of courting? All you would have to do is follow those steps. In which case then, how would she be able to tell the difference between you and anyone else? If a girl is faced with 10 guys who are all doing the same things because she said what she wanted, how would she know which of the 10 guys to pick? At that point she might as well cast lots. It would pretty much have the same impact. Part of being a high quality man is being able to solve the puzzle. It’s be able to play the game. This is the essence of what doing the work represents. Girls can tell the guys who are willing to do the work to get things. To figure things out. To pick up on the hints. If as a guy you can do that, you will tick up on her radar and the odds of her choosing you will go way up.
I remember when I used to be that guy who would get envious. I would look at other men who, let’s be honest, were better than me get very attractive girls and it seemed like they weren’t even trying. I simply told myself that they must be assholes or whatever excuse made me feel better. The truth is they simply put in more work and I never saw the work. All I saw was the finished product. I didn’t see what went in that to get there. The same thing is true for girls. If there is a girl who is hot and you like what you see, it wasn’t by accident. She didn’t just roll out of bed and now bam here is this hot girl in front of you. She takes care of herself. She works out. She puts on makeup. She knows how to dress. She puts in work. If she’s going to put in work you best believe the guy she wants to be with is someone who puts in work too. Do you put in work? If you don’t you better start. What are the things you need to work on? I thought you’d never ask, let’s take on a few one by one.