The framework, while it may seem at first to you to be the most insignificant part of all this, is going to be a very important corner stone to building what I need to help relay the stories and points I will make. In order for anything to make sense, one has to define where everything starts. Just like when you look at a map, you need the “you are here” point of reference before you can begin to go anywhere else. That is what framework is for. It’s to turn on the light in the room before you begin cleaning. Sure you could clean a room in the dark, it’s just more difficult and the goal here is to make things simple.
First, we must talk about what Nice Guy ™ or Nice Guy Syndrome (which I will refer to as NGS from here on out) actually is. NGS is not to be confused with being a nice person. Being a nice person is when you genuinely do good things or at least try to do good things for yourself, your family, your friends, and your fellow good willed human beings on this earth. The reason you do these good things is not because of any promised reward, although you may negotiate rewards for your (legal) services and actions, there is nothing wrong with this. You do them because it is the right thing to do. The right thing to do can indeed be subjective. No one really knows if what you are doing is right. Sometimes you can be doing the wrong thing, thinking it’s right. The better way to think about it might be something like this. Your instinct may not be able to tell well enough the right course of action. On the other hand, your instinct is very good at sniffing out what can be the wrong or hurtful action. If nothing else you can rely on that to compel yourself to do the opposite.
NGS on the other hand is the polar opposite of being a nice person. NGS is the belief in doing things or acts in an attempt to garner favor with those who have something you want and you are hoping will give it to you as a reward. This is not exclusive to sex or relationships even though the term is often applied to that. It also applies to money, business, sports, etc…NGS takes place usually (not always) when someone who is in a weak position of power or status, tries to manipulate through false kindness and friendship someone of higher power or status into relinquishing whatever he or she has that is being coveted by the weaker person.
The most common example is when a guy is attracted to a girl and wants to date her. If the girl is interested there is no problem. The problem comes in when the girl expresses the fact the she is not interested, and the guy instead pretends to be her friend, hang around, and do nice things for her in the hopes that she will eventually change her mind and date/kiss/have sex with the guy. This of course is a rare outcome and more than likely the guy in his attempt to win the girl over will fall into bouts of jealousy over the other men she decides to be with, leading him to taking out his frustrations on either the girl or anyone else who will listen. This then leads to the girl severing off the friendship because no one wants to be friends with someone who will behave that way.
It’s important to note, that a false friendship does not necessarily mean the two-people involved don’t like each other. It’s very possible that both sides find points in each other that are endearing and are fun to be around. A false friendship means a friendship that is built upon a false premise. Either one side (or both) is not being 100% honest about his or her intentions. No relationship can survive being built upon a false premise. Think of it like a house. Before you can build anything on it, you must have a solid foundation. If someone tells you the foundation is strong enough to hold a big house when in fact it could only hold up a small one, you are going to have serious problems when you start building. The topic of honesty and intentions will be touched on in more detail later. I wanted to mention this point in framework to help identify the difference between what you think you might be doing and what you actually are doing.
One last point before we go on. You should know that if you believe yourself to be on this NGS frequency, it does not inherently make you a bad person. You are merely working with the information that you have or have amassed from sources like popular culture, social media, and anecdotal stories. The issue comes in when that information is in fact bad, and hasn’t had a chance to be corrected before you began making decisions off that bad information. The good news is it can be fixed, which is why you are reading this right now. Let’s continue to the next part.