“If only she would give me a chance...” How many times have you heard a friend mention this statement or something like it? How many times have you said it? Both verbally and internally? It’s ok if it feels like a high number, because I promise you everyone does it. It’s not just about relationships too. It’s in everything.
“I’d have more money if my boss just gave me a chance with a promotion.” “I could win this game for us if my coach would just give me a chance.” “I could sell so many records if a label just took a chance on me.”
And on, and on, and on I could go. One of the biggest truths you will have to come to grips with as you progress through life is this. No one owes you anything. Period. Nothing. You are not owed a chance and you should never expect one. Chances are given to those who take a risk. Chances are given to those who have shown success in the past. Chances are given to those who know how to negotiate for it. Chances are given to those who have the network and rapport with those who have the power to give these chances. Simply put, chances (just like coffee) is for closers. You doing the bare minimum means jack. You showed up? Good, that’s a start. What else can you do? Average production? Congratulations. You’re just like everyone else. So why should you get something more than the average person. More than that, why does it seem that people get upset when they don’t get more than the average person? This leads me to my own little pet theory which I call “linear thinking”.
Linear thinking is the belief that the world is divvied up into millions and millions of lines. Some lines you can see. The line at the store, the line at the bank, the line to get tickets, etc… and these lines are great. They keep everything in orderly fashion, and help facilitate business and commerce. What’s the problem? The problem is when individuals apply the same logic or practice to things in life that have no lines on them at all. The majority of important things in life are not lined based. That girl you like? There isn’t a line for her. That promotion you want? There’s no line. That spot on the team? There’s no line. There. Is. No. Line. If you think you are in a waiting line, get out of that thinking as fast as you can. You can and will be passed over. You will get angry and grow resentful of others success. That emotion will begin to affect your work and your life.
The funniest part is, it’s a good thing the world doesn’t operate on such a linear process for most things. Imagine you have just gotten into a horrible accident. You are rushed to the hospital. You somehow have enough consciousness to make the following decision. There are two surgeons available to operate on you. One surgeon was taken on because he or she was at the top of the class in med school. The other was taken on because he or she was able to be the first doctor to submit a resume to the hospital. Which surgeon would you like? Yea that’s what I thought. That girl you like operates the same exact way. She chooses the men she wants to be with because they have something to offer. They are the top of the class, or at the very least at the top of a category that matters to her. If it was a rule that a girl had to go out with the first guy who managed to get to and talk to her no girl on earth would ever date again.
NGS absolutely feeds off this kind of entitled thinking. It’s like a fucking Las Vegas buffet for it. I remember when I used to have it. It totally made sense at the time. Imagine there is a girl I like, and I am her friend. My mind would take some sort of thought process of the following. “She just broke up with her boyfriend. Perfect, here’s my shot. After all I am next in line, right? I have been her friend for months. Wait a second, who is this new guy? He just met her a week ago. Wait how is she already sleeping with him? She told me she wasn’t ready to start seeing anyone yet. What the fuck? I was next!”. If it sounds absurd, it’s because it is. The mind does weird things to you and your emotions. It tries to rationalize things in a way where you don’t have to put any responsibility on yourself. You can outrun it for a while. Eventually it will catch up to you, and then you’ll realize you have nowhere to run. No one to blame but yourself for your unhappiness.
I remember a quote from the book “No BS: Wealth Attraction in the New Economy” by Dan Kennedy. In his book, he said “You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate”. When I read that quote it was like a ton of bricks was dropped on my head. He was right. You don’t get a chance because you were waiting in line patiently. You don’t get what you want because you were a good little boy and now here is your reward. That may have been how it was when you were a kid, when most things are outside your control and your decision making. You’re not a kid anymore. You’re an adult. The majority of chances you will get in life will be because you made them happen. You went to the person in charge and made a deal. You asked your crush out on a date because you like her and you think she likes you too. Will it always work out? No. It won’t, because just like you have the right to say no, so does everyone else.
Does it mean what you are offering is bad? Maybe. It could also be that the person you are approaching isn’t the right person. That’s ok. Why? Because there are millions of opportunities out there to pursue. Failing is nothing to be afraid of. Getting a no is as useful as getting a yes, because it gives you the information you need to change something. To approach a different person. To change your sales pitch. To change your appearance. Whatever it is, you adjust. You try, and you try again. Until you reach your goal. Then all of a sudden, you’re going to find chances dropping in your lap out of nowhere. This is no accident. Chances flow to the bold. They flow to the attractive. When you become that, the chances come to you. There is no spoon. There are no lines. That’s how the world works. Accepting that is a big step in the right direction.