Speaking of striking out and hoop jumping, it’s important to understand one important thing in the interest of your sanity. Everyone is different. Let me say that again because while it’s super simple it is super important. Everyone. Is. Different. You can’t spend your life and time comparing yourself to others and what they are doing. They aren’t you. You aren’t them. You can look to others for admiration, that’s fine. You can look to see what someone has accomplished and aspire to achieve that in your own life. What you should not do is try to become that person. What you should not do is assume that the other person is in the same boat or status as you.
I remember a time where I would be driven mad by seeing the kind of guys who would be able to attract the girls I wanted. I would constantly say to myself “I don’t get it, what does that guy have that I don’t”. Well the answer is everything. That guy has everything that I don’t. Because that guy is different. Or at the very least he has everything that matters to that girl. Even if you and another guy are 99% the same, that 1% could be the difference between her choosing to be with him instead of you. Don’t take it personal. Everyone is different. Men aren’t monoliths who all the have same kind of charm, ambitions, or life. Women aren’t monoliths who all are attracted to the same exact thing. We all make millions of choices throughout of lives taking us in millions of different directions. All because we are just that different.
Are there some common attractive traits across groups? Sure there are. On the whole if you are a straight male there are certain standards of beauty that most guys would agree are interesting. Keep in mind this tends to change quite often, I remember how there was a time where really skinny women who looked like they were hooked on drugs were considered “hot” (looking at you Kate Moss). Now these days it appears that women who are athletic and take good care of themselves appears to be the “hot” standard. For women, there is a base attraction to a man with wealth and power. This is because wealth and power tend to represent a sign of hard work and strength. An ability to take care of someone else and having the clout and brains to get it. Of course, these standards are merely a guideline. There are hot girls who the moment you talk to them don’t have a compatible personality with you. There are rich and powerful men who are utterly clueless and if you took away the money wouldn’t know what to do with a woman if you gave them maps.
Do not let the results you see in your environment dictate how you go about trying to achieve your success. You honestly have no clue about anyone until you spend a lot of time with him or her and get to know their past and present. Focus on you and what works for you. Do what you have to do to put the best version of your true self forward. That’s the only thing you owe out of respect for other people in this world. You put forth who you are so that those who interact with you can make the educated decision on whether or not they want to spend time with you. For when they make the decision to pursue interest with you, there is no better feeling knowing that you didn’t put up anything false. No kind of façade that you have to keep up. She chose you for you. Or conversely, she rejected you for you. Either outcome is fine, because everyone is different.