The girl of your dreams is just that. A dream. Really that applies to everything if you think about it. Your dream girl, your dream job, your dream vacation, etc… it’s just a dream. Now don’t misunderstand me, I don’t want you to stop dreaming or have lofty goals to shoot for. Dreams and goals are what allow us to push forth and achieve things we never thought possible. What I am warning you against is falling in love with the dream. When you fall in love with your dream you refuse to see any other opportunity around you. You constantly see this when it comes to relationships. A guy will see a girl and say “this is the girl of my dreams”. How do you know though? You haven’t even met this girl. How could you possibly know if she is the girl of your dreams? Because you feel it? Fair enough feelings are indeed a powerful thing, I will have to warn you that this is the first step in putting a girl on a pedestal. You never want to put something on a pedestal. When you do that you are automatically devaluing yourself. You are saying that you don’t matter as much as this person does and so as a result it’s ok if the person treats you like crap. No, that’s never ok. You have worth as a human being and you don’t have to put up with others who would be reckless or careless with your emotions.
I also want to talk about the difference between not putting someone on a pedestal and settling for less. When I talk about being cautions with the girl of your dreams I am not arguing that you should be with someone who doesn’t make you happy because it’s “realistic”. I am arguing that being fixated with the one girl that you are so sure is the one will make you potentially pass up on the girl who in fact is the right one for you. The better way to think about it is like this. If the girl of your dreams does exist, you will find out after you have gotten to know her. Not before. You should approach every girl you are interested in as just that. It is a girl that you are interested in and you want to get to know this girl better. You make the move, you put in the work, you spend time with her, and then if the world has decided to smile on you it will hit you that this is the girl for you. That is the true girl of your dreams. It’s the girl that makes you happy. It’s the girl who gets you. Who understands you. All those things you can only find out through spending time with that person. You can’t find out those things on the surface. It has to go deeper than that.
I would know because I have been there. Back in my NGS days any girl that showed the slightest interest in me I became infatuated. It’s depressing to read about I know, it’s true. When you are in a spot where you have no confidence in yourself, any interest feels like it’s the only shot you will ever have. I am paraphrasing it but I believe there is a saying that when you are in the dessert any drop of water will look like an oasis. The same applies when it comes to girls. You will look at this one girl and think “she’s perfect, she’s the one, I need her” and the moment you fall into that you have already lost. She is now above you. You either will get lucky and she will avoid you because she simply isn’t interested or worse she will know you have put her on a pedestal and she will take advantage of that and you. The worst part of scenario number 2 is that it will take a long time to see how badly you are being treated because you can’t possibly see any wrong in this girl. She’s the girl of your dreams after all. In order to help you not put girls on a pedestal, we need to talk about the biggest cause of it that can plague any guy at any point in time. Desperation.