The product of your honesty and your self-awareness is your tact. Everyone has different tact because well…everyone is different (remember that phrase for later). It would be hard for me to tell you what the right tact is when approaching women because the way I would approach a girl could be completely different to the way you would do it. If you have ever wondered why there appears to be people who in any situation know exactly what to do is because they have stellar tact. That tact does not come by chance or happen by accident. It comes from a lot of experience, practice, and knowing oneself. When you are an honest person and also have good self-awareness it becomes very easy to know what to do because you understand the situation you are in. If you are honest but have no self-awareness then you become obnoxious, creepy, and annoying. If you are self-aware but not honest you become the conman and two faced. If you lack both, then you are clueless. None of these are a good spot to be in and they are not attractive at all. At least long term, you will get a little bit of success as the conman in the short term but it eventually is going to break apart.
Tact explains why you can’t reconcile how an action done by you has a completely different effect when done by somebody else. I have read a million times on the internet how guys complain and say something like this “I approached a girl and was called a creep, if I was Brad Pitt she wouldn’t have thought that.” Yea, but you’re not Brad Pitt. That’s the point. That’s what self-awareness teaches you. Being self-aware means knowing you aren’t of that status. I have had the experience of straight up asking a woman before if she was interested in casual sex. I could do that because I understood my position. That’s what tact is. If I had any reservations about how she would react to that question I never would have asked it. If I was my old self for example with my ratty clothes in which I look like I just rolled out of bed, I can promise you the result would have been bad. However, at that time I had fixed my appearance, I was feeling chemistry with her, and had gotten the vibe that the question would be appropriate. So, I asked it. If you go up to a girl and behave in a way or say something that causes her to look at you in a bad light it’s because you fucked up. You failed to properly assess the situation and so you went in with a bad plan. This is what happens when you don’t have good tact.
The good news is this can all be fixed with practice. You are more than likely going to go through some painful failures every now and then. That’s ok, your tact gets better when you try things and they don’t work because you now know not to do that specific thing. The best part about tact is that when you get good at it you’ll find you will always know the right things to say. This is not manipulation. Manipulation is when you lack honesty. What I am talking about is speaking plainly. You are speaking the words that are true to you and you know will be understood by your audience.
Which reminds me, you should know being smart does not mean you have tact. I have seen bad tact by some of the so called smartest people in the world. You see it all the time with politicians. These are people who went to the most prestigious schools and rub shoulders with the most powerful people in the world, and my god do some of them have the worst tact I have ever seen. They absolutely cannot for the life of them communicate what they want in a simple and ordinary way. I am not saying I want to be talked down to and I am not saying you should talk down to others either. I am saying that you should be able to know who you are talking to and tailor your approach into a language that they will understand.
NGS tends to throw tact to the wind. It’s seen as unnecessary and unfair to those with NGS who feel that so much work and analysis should not be needed to get a date. Those with NGS want a one size fits all policy. They want a color by numbers approach. Here’s the thing to remember. If it indeed was true that it could be that simple, then how would you ever be able to attract someone you like? It would be impossible because all someone else would have to do is follow those same steps and attract that girl before you ever could. The old saying “if it was easy, then everyone would do it” is true. The fact that you need to apply yourself so much is what gives you a shot in the first place to have a better life. Don’t ignore tact. Understand yourself, understand your audience, speak the truth, and speak it well. If you do those things you will find amazing things happening to you in every facet of your life, not just relationships. Now let’s talk about something that will certainly help in your ability to build tact.